I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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