I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
