Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
