mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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