I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
