Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize