Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
