i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
