Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
