Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
