i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
