All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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