sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
