At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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