he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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