she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
