I accidentally burped into my bong.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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