I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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