i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
