I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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