The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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