I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
