it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
