I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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