I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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