dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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