i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
