I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
