apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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