1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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