Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
