Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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