So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
