FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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