I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
