Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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