If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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