I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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