i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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