Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
