I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
