I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
