Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
