That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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