I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
