Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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