you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
