i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
