then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
