You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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