Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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