I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
