Are we in a gay sports bar?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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