sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
