where am i from again
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
