Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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