I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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