I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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